I spent tonight with some of my closest friends, watching a movie and having cute chats, but I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be anywhere else either. My mind was just off, dreaming of issues I’ll never have to face. I’m not in love with anyone, I’m not heartbroken or lustful. I’m just empty. I don’t want to go to class, or go out for a coffee date. I don’t even want to go to sleep, it’s this empty middle space that I occupy.
I messaged you tonight to ask for a cuddle, you said you were going to sleep and I said I was fine. Nothing’s fine. How can it be fine when you don’t want to see anyone or do anything, when you don’t have any ambition left. I mean any. I have none. I just want to lie on the grass with you and talk. Nothing special, just talk. I’m not in love with you, I just want the comfort you bring, the me that comes with being with you.
I really don’t know how today will go,
What with the whole haven’t enrolled in subjects need to make my timetable and unpack my room and planned a couple of coffee dates but only had 4 hours sleep over the last two nights + jetlag might hit soon hellllp.
I just had to pay $30 on two separate occasions for the pleasure of wasting away in two Indonesian airports.
Funny, I thought I paid for that when I bought my fucking flight.
Thanks Indonesia, it’s been great.
Yeah okay, touché.
I think I’m lonely. Not in that I’m far from home. I’m lonely in that I don’t want to go back. Not to face the mess I left behind, because fixing it up just doesn’t feel worth it.
Can I stay until everyone just forgets me?